Huh. So, after a my first full week at Imperial, which is incredibly challenging, culminating in an ill-advised dexedrine-fueled all-nighter, when I kinda broke down at 2 am and spent way too long freaking out about the fact that Pamela still doesnapos;t want to be friend or have anything to do with me again, and then drinks with the new maths PhDs where I resolved to start up an Imperial College Go Club, Iapos;m trying to have a good weekend. I didnapos;t really manage to do stuff with my friends here at all, so am kinda having a big night out tonight. Possibly featuring clubbing, which Iapos;ve never done before, but in the general spirit of doing things that scare me, Iapos;m going to do it.
But my granny was just killed in a car accident. Itapos;s unexpected. Given sheapos;s 80, crossing the lane to hit a lorry head on is a pretty good way to go: she died still able to do everything, without apparent suffering. Itapos;s going to be complicated for me to make it up for the funeral, especially since Iapos;ve got a lot of classes, and have to do some teaching and marking from next week, but it should be do-able. Iapos;m ... Slightly concerned by how little this seems to be hurting, but itapos;s going to sink in later and then Iapos;ll have that.
Iapos;m really worried about what this will do to my mum. Sheapos;s still very ill, as she has been for the last two years. Last year, she lost her job because sheapos;s been off for over year, and sheapos;s vaguely directionless. Sheapos;s rather frail, and needs a two hour nap every afternoon to be able to operate. Until late apos;06, when she got a virus and just didnapos;t ever really recover, sheapos;d been very strong, capable, and doing excellent work as a GP. It kills me to see her, at barely 50 years old to be this weak, and I know itapos;s really frustrating for her too.
Since my little sister Fiona left home to start uni a month or so back, sheapos;s been rather lonely. I know having me at home for longer this year was great, and she really enjoyed spending time with me. Losing her motherapos;s going to hit her hard, especially as all her kids have left home and my dadapos;s arthritis has been seriously bad in the last year and a half.
I donapos;t know when the funeral is. Itapos;s crazy how completely unexpected this is.
But then, everything about my life these day seems to make little sense.
Interesting times, I suppose.
bank money transfer, erin brokovich soundtrack, erin brokovich story.
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