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National coming out week has come and gone. This time last year i promised myself this year i would come out. And i did. It started with changing my listed preference on all of my internet profiles. My friendapos;s on all sides are a goddessapos; blessing of acceptance and friendship. Even when i told those that didnapos;t know i was bi they quickly absorbed it and that was that. Nothing changed.

The next part i did was sharing this at work. Lots of the leads i get along with are gay so when it was brought up in conversation i got quite a few "Oh really? i didnapos;t know" i guess i fly too low to show up on gaydar heh.

Then it started to narrow down to family time. My little sister was easy to share with. My cousin felt a little harder, but any fears there were baseless. I had a chance to tell my aunt while in san fran but i wasnapos;t ready for that yet. It was comforting to hear that the narrowmindedness of my father and uncle are not shared with the women in their generation of the family.

Now we come full circle as life tends to do back to this previous week. I knew i had to tell my mom. I felt like i was leaving a little piece of myself out of conversations to her. So after much psyching up by Ghost i finally told my mom a few nights ago. I was a wreck. Total adrenaline going, i barreled straight into my stories of the freddy girls and the lgbt mixer at school.

Momma didnapos;t disappoint. She asked me to repeat myself three times and continued asking "how long have you know?" "how do you know?" she then hugged me saying that she loved me and was grateful that i told her. Then she went on to ask if i told dad yet.

I told dad this evening.

He finally got off the phone with one of the several women he always seems to be talking to. We had a small conversation, he said he was going to bed. He hugged and kissed me and told me goodnight. I drew a breath and blurted out very fast that i had to tell him something before i lost the confidence. That i know heapos;s taken note that iapos;ve always stood up for gay marriage against him and said that iapos;m bi, that it just means i pretty much have an equal chance of coming home with a guy as a girl.

I was cleaning my glasses through all of this and couldnapos;t see his face. He made a hard set grimace and very curtly said "Oh well, goodnight" and quickly went to his room. I cried. Am crying. I donapos;t regret telling him still
When mom was talking to me she told me no matter what "heapos;ll still love you, your his baby, his daughter."

We used to be very close.

I wish he would have yelled at me, unleashed all that anger i know he has. Tell me heapos;s dissapointed in me, kick me out of the house, anything but "oh well"

I donapos;t feel like being here this week even if i have to just drive it from momapos;s house. Maybe heapos;ll say more to me after he talks to mom tomorrow. If he does.
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